Many of my couples travel from the United States and are planning their wedding in Germany or Austria. Being a wedding planner for international destination weddings for many years, it became clear more and more that there are some differences between the traditional wedding process in the United States and planning a wedding in Germany or Austria. However, the most important thing is the same everywhere: in the end, it’s all about love!
1) Cocktail hour and reception
Well, this is kind of a translation problem. In Germany, the cocktail hour is called „Empfang“ or „Sektempfang“ – and the translation is „reception“. So if you get an offer from a venue which is probably not so familiar with US wedding customs, they might write that the reception is in the afternoon from probably 3 pm to 6 pm. That means that the cocktail hour will take place in this time – and this leads me to the next misunderstanding. If you mention the „cocktail hour“ Germans are not thinking about the afternoon time but late night, after dinner. On German weddings, cocktail serving usually won´t start before the dinner is finished because they are afraid that people get to drunk before dinner and even the cost is high for cocktails and longdrinks. So a lot of couples in Germany include beer, wine and non-alcoholics for their guests but no cocktails or long drinks at all – or guests have to pay themselves. And to make it even a bit more complicated ;): Traditional Bavarian weddings have a totally different time schedule: They start in the morning with a typical Bavarian „Weißwurst“ breakfast and beer before going to the church. After the church a „Sektempfang“, which means a glass of sparkling or mimosa for everyone while they congratulate, usually without food because following is „Kaffee & Kuchen“: They do the cutting of the cake and have coffee and lots of different cakes (often baked by family and friends). Then „Brautentführung“ (kidnapping the bride), an old Bavarian custom, expensive for the groom and with really a lot of white wine and drinking games. Wedding dinner (reception) is to follow, then open the dance floor with the first dance of bride and groom. And Bavarian weddings have to end at midgnight, bride and groom are carried out by their guests and everyone has to leave. In the states, it´s sometimes ending at 10 pm – this is definitively to early in Germany. Germans – if they are not having a traditional Bavarian wedding – prefer to party as long as possible, often till 2 or 3 am.
2) No wedding party!
Really? Yes. In Germany, there are no bridesmaids, grooms men, no color matching dresses and suits. Usually the bride has one „Trauzeugin“ (made of honor) and the groom one „best man“ (Trauzeuge), that´s it. These two are the closest friends or sometimes siblings and help with questions, organize the stag and hen party and sometimes are preparing a speech or some games. Not having a big bridal party there is even no introducing or announcement, even not of the bride and groom. Meanwhile, some Germans take over the US tradition and start to have more friends around them.
3) Ceremony entrance
Thinking of a catholic church wedding (symbolic weddings are way different because you can do whatever you like best): Bride and groom walk behind the priest into the church together. As there is no bridal party no one else walks in like Mum, Dad, sibblings or bridesmaids and grooms men. All the familiy is already seated in the first benches of the church. The only ones who might walk before the bride are flower girls but in most German churches its forbidden to toss flowers inside because they are really old and the stone or wooden floors are very sensitive.
4) Food is very important
Germans place great value on good, plentiful food at weddings. It’s not just about serving food as quickly as possible, but rather about enjoyment. The food should taste really good, have a high quality and the guests should enjoy it, often there is a wine pairing as well. Standard are three or four course menus plus finger food during the cocktail hour (and / or cake) and a midnight snack like cheese or goulash soup. There is not a „traditional German wedding menu“, no standards like „beef or chicken“ – but in Bavaria the wedding menu is most often a „wedding soup“ (consommé with three sorts of dumplings and noodles), for the entrée some sort of roast with Spaetzle (home-made noodles) and vegetables or salad and a simple dessert like „Heiße Liebe“ (vanilla ice cream with warm raspberries and whipped cream) or fried apple rings with cinnamon and vanilla sauce. Vegan and vegetarian food is more and more requested but in Bavaria it´s sometimes hard because the typical Bavarian food is hearty and meaty ;).
5) Rehearsal dinner versus Polterabend
The rehearsal walk and rehearsal dinner on the day / evening before the wedding is a typical US wedding tradition. It is rather unknow in Germany as there is no need to train the ceremony walk because there is no big bridal party. Bride and groom relax, sometimes with their friends, before they go separate ways for the night. Most often, they bride stays in their parents house the night before. If it´s a destination wedding, there is sometimes a gathering after dinner, like some drinks at the bar or a BBQ but no formal dinner. What we have in Germany is the tradition of a „Polterabend“ one or two days before the wedding. Family, friends and neighbours are invited, even those who may not be at the wedding, to come to the couples home and get some simple food and drinks served. They all bring porcelain to break in front of the house. The noise is supposed to drive away evil spirits, and the broken pieces are supposed to bring good luck. Very important: No glass or even a mirror may be broken, as this brings bad luck. At the same time, this is a kind of test for the bride and groom, as they must sweep up the broken pieces together to show that they understand each other and work well together. Things get a bit unfair—as has certainly happened in Bavaria—when guests arrive with a dump truck full of old toilet bowls and sinks…
6) Hochzeitslader and wedding planner
Germans are not very familiar with wedding planners and coordinators. Family members and friends help bride and groom to organize. But especially in Bavaria there is the tradition of a „Hochzeitslader“. This is a man (!) who is the master of ceremonies and brings the often spoken and rhymed invitation to the guests, Don´t expect him to have the couples idea of the wedding in mind and help you to make your dream come true. He is there to take care that the Bavarian traditions are kept in mind. It´s his voice everyone has to listen on the day, he is going to tell people when to go in the church, women to the left, man to the right, he is the one starting the kidnapping of the bride, make the couple have their first dance on the right time and makes sure the party ends at midnight. A wedding planner will organize everything beforehand, get you the best vendors, make an individual schedule, take care of all the little details. The Hochzeitslader is like a wedding day coordinator but without any room for individual ideas.
7) Presentation of gifts
Not talking about the gifts themselves but how guests get them to the couple. A gift table is always needed but in Bavaria, there is another special tradition, the „Weissen“. This word comes from the glass of white wine that everyone is handed out in this time. Guests get in a row to congratulate the couple, toast personally with them and hand out their gifts. The Hochzeitslader is next to them, taking over the gifts then and place them on the gift table. I´m not necessarily a fan of this and I always make sure the couple has something non-alcoholic that looks like white wine in their glass because after toasting individual with probably 100 guests they are done…
8) Garter toss?
The first time a bride asked me a few years ago to plan the garter toss in the schedule I had to google ;). In Germany, tossing the bouquet is done on most of the weddings (sometimes we have a second small boquet because the bride wants to keep hers) but I´ve never had a garter toss on a German wedding. Every now and then we had a garter auction to get a little cash for the couple but even this is not very popular.
9) The heat is on!
Well, air condition is not very popular in Germany. Asking a venue if they have air condition you will get a 9 out of 10 the answer „no, but you are able to open the windows / doors“. Most Germans are very happy to open the windows and get the garden feeling on a hot summer day or – even better – have dinner outdoors. Better to be aware of this when looking for a venue. In the cities, the big hotels usually have air conditions but in the mountains it is often the same for hotels like for the venues: They will offer you to open the windows and let the fresh mountain air in. Air condition when you can get fresh mountain air? No way…
10) Rings
Germans are not very familiar with engagement rings. The ring a woman gets during the proposal is very often kept as her wedding ring and the man already has the other one pairing with it. Sometimes the proposal is without the ring and bride and groom are chosing them together. And there is another difference: During the engagement time the ring is worn on the left hand and on the wedding day it changes to the right from both, Mr. and Mrs.
These are just 10 samples, I will continue with this list in a while and maybe add another one with travel tipps for for wedding guests in Germany and Austria. Feel free to let me know what other things you are interested in about weddings in Germany and Austria!
